3 Lessons to Learn in Marriage
After my first marriage ended, I told myself while eating cake that if I got married again, I’d try hard to not be a bitch. It’s not the reason my first marriage ended, but acting bitchy was a reason our bond was not as tight-knit. I’ve run another lap and I’m married again. I often ponder my actions about how I should’ve reacted differently. Perhaps bonds would have been stronger? Maybe I’d be closer to my current husband? What I can say is that my current marriage is stronger because of three lessons I’ve learned. Here they are:
Don’t Sweat the Little Annoyances
My husband never refills anything. If we ran out of soap for our dispenser, the toilet paper holder needs a new roll, or if the rice container is empty, my husband will never refill it. It goes without saying that it is I who refills them. While a drizzle of annoyance filled me and would turn into a hurricane of fury in my first marriage, I’ve mostly learned to let it go now. This time I remind myself how he washes the dishes or washes my clothes. I’m not perfect, and at times I will bicker with my husband about this annoyance, but I mostly refill and shut up.
Don’t Judge Him for His Hobbies
Everyone takes on hobbies. We’re all trying to live life and take a break from work and catch up on some R&R. If a hobby like golfing, video gaming, or reading makes a person happy, then we should not judge that person for it. Only judge your significant other if the hobby is criminal like murder. Crimes are not hobbies we should take on. I did not grow up playing video games, but I often judged my ex and current husband for playing video games. In fact, I recall my current husband asking if I played video games and I told him, “Nope, I don’t play video games, board games, relationship games, or mind games.” Early in our romance, I judged him thinking it was childish. Now I understand that many people play video games — many successful people too —, and it is only a fun outlet for some. Unfortunately, I was immature in my first marriage, and it received the full force of my ill perceptions. Now, I respect my husband whenever he wants to play.
Don’t Say Mean Words
It’s alarming how we continually inform our children, “Words hurt, that’s not nice.”, but when it comes to our partner, we totally forget that and say hurtful words. I struggle with this so much. When I’m upset, I’m a fireball traveling 200 mph destroying everything in my path. I often say words I regret. Once the words are out, they cannot be taken back. It can sit in your partner’s mind for weeks, months, or years, and destroy their confidence, trust, and respect for you. Mean words are marriage-destroying. I admit that I don’t 100% refrain from using mean words, but I’m better and attempt to make amends.
Overall, I’m so fortunate to have my partner. He’s the best father and he never gets annoyed with my weird habits or hobbies — or at least he doesn’t communicate them. He doesn’t believe in using mean words either. I’ve learned that these are important issues to overcome, and they have made my marriage easier. Most critically, I work hard to not become annoyed, judge him, or be mean because I WANT to our marriage to work. Although these are lessons, I fall into the pits again sometimes, but I’m committed to working on them because I love him.
